A few weeks ago I jotted down in my journal, how do I write and blog in a way that tells stories like the apostles in the New Testament? Where it is not all about me, pointing back to life and story but about Christ and his life, death, and resurrection. How do I point to Christ more?

These questions have challenged me and pushed me which leads me to writing this post. Where I am compelled to share transparently, a recent part of my story, my journey. Though I would rather keep this to myself that would be selfish. God deserves His glory and I don’t want to stubbornly stand in the way.

Life has been H.A.R.D and has left me emptied. On top of many uphill battles we are facing, financially we are in a place of 100% dependence on God. Though incredibly difficult it is an experience where I have seen God move. Morning by morning I must call upon Jehovah-jireh, The Lord WILL provide. And though I wish to be as faith-filled as Abraham I often look more like the Israelites wandering in the desert. The Israelites didn’t trust. They often grumbled. They wanted to take more portions then allowed and save it for the next day. The Israelites wanted control–to hoard the food rather than depending on God every single morning for their provision.

Yes, this sums up my experience. I want to trust in my gathering abilities rather than wait upon the Lord morning by morning in faith. But one characteristic that stands out to me is that the Israelites often FORGOT God’s faithfulness-God’s provision.

They cast in metal a bull calf at Horeb
and worshiped the statue they’d made.
They traded the Glory
for a cheap piece of sculpture—a grass-chewing bull!
They forgot God, their very own Savior,
who turned things around in Egypt,
Who created a world of wonders in the Land of Ham,
who gave that stunning performance at the Red Sea.

I didn’t understand them, how do you forget the miracles God has done? How do you not trust him when it is so clear He is worthy of trusting?

It was the beginning of the month and I couldn’t sleep…I tossed and turned with anxiety because I didn’t want to face this month. I didn’t want to deal with the onslaught of reality. Laying in the dark room I let fears and worries creep inside me & steal away the memories of provisions from months prior. Once again I had forgotten the promise, Jehovah-jireh. This is a promise, the LORD will provide, always, like he did for Abraham or the Israelites. And like the Israelites situation it may not look, taste, or be what we thought or imagined BUT he provided. His promises are never failing. EVER.

That next morning I wandered to the mailbox to discover another random check from someone I haven’t ever met before.
Jehovah-jireh.

I say another, because over the past few months this has happened before, yet I am like the Israelites, prone to wander, prone to forget his provisions & promises. Holding the check in hands, I sat there at my counter and cried. Unworthy. Humbled. Overwhelmed.

Jehovah-jireh

Again. Again. and Again. Always

Jehovah-jireh

The LORD will provide.
Don’t let the enemy steal this promise.

So I write this post as my memory stone. (Joshua 4:6-5) I do not want to forget the ways I have seen Jehovah-jireh.

Though troubles assail and dangers affright, 
Though friends should all fail and foes all unite; 
Yet one thing secures us, whatever betide, 
The scripture assures us, the Lord will provide 

The birds without barn or storehouse are fed, 
From them let us learn to trust for our bread: 
His saints, what is fitting, shall ne’er be denied, 
So long as it’s written, the Lord will provide 

We may, like the ships, by tempest be tossed 
On perilous deeps, but cannot be lost. 
Though Satan enrages the wind and the tide, 
The promise engages, the Lord will provide. 

His call we obey, like Abram of old, 
Not knowing our way, but faith makes us bold; 
For though we are strangers we have a good Guide, 
And trust in all dangers, the Lord will provide 

When Satan appears to stop up our path, 
And fill us with fears, we triumph by faith; 
He cannot take from us, though oft he has tried, 
This heart-cheering promise, the Lord will provide 

He tells us we’re weak, our hope is in vain, 
The good that we seek we ne’er shall obtain, 
But when such suggestions our spirits have plied, 
This answers all questions, the Lord will provide 

No strength of our own, or goodness we claim, 
Yet since we have known the Savior’s great name; 
In this our strong tower for safety we hide, 
The Lord is our power, the Lord will provide 

When life sinks apace and death is in view, 
This word of his grace shall comfort us through: 
No fearing or doubting with Christ on our side, 
We hope to die shouting the Lord will provide

Though Troubles Assail us -John Newton 

Friends, wherever our changing circumstance finds us in, God never changes. May we know and remember the same God who provided for Abraham & the Israelites is the SAME God today who provides for us. Jehovah-jireh. Let us not forget his promises, even when life is hard. Just like the last lines of the Hymn, I want this to be true of me until my last breath. “No fearing or doubting with Christ on our side, we hope to die shouting the Lord will provide.”