>>This post references the six stages of life by Piper. If you want to read the stages of the Kings pit on my blog click here.

I am a walking wounded, doubting, angry, longing hope-seeker.
I love hope, I seek my living hope every morning and I long for hope to fill the hours of my day, yet some days I am overcome by hopelessness.
Some days I would rather sit,
sit in my puddle of tears crying on the floor fighting to find this hope.

Because
life hurts
suffering stings
waiting 5 years to have a child is flat out tiring
grieving the loss of my sweet aunt seems unjust
fighting the daily grind of crap that swells up becomes all consuming

Life seems like walking in circles through thick sludge, unable to move your legs anymore because they feel like concrete.

And yet I try to cling to hope that I so love.

I was analyzing the steps in the “kings pit,” and looking at stages 3 and 4 to find where I lie in the sequence.
I still feel stuck in the wait to get out of this pit.
Circumstantially I am still in this pit.
Year after year I hope to move out of this nest down in the pit.

Sometimes sitting in stage 3 year after year gets discouraging.
It can become so easy for our hearts to be lost between the wretched earthly suffering and the hope to come.
We easily forget the pit does not last forever. God doesn’t leave us in winter season forever.
In these dark times we feel like we will never reach stage 4 or 5.

It is there that we fight the tension of hopelessness and the hope to come.

In the pit, I beg. Oh my soul begs for mercy like Hannah begged while she sat in her pit.

Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord… I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

And I find comfort in her prayers, her tears, her anguish.
I too can cry out in my great anguish because he can handle my hopeless days.
He loves me just the same on the days my heart runs out of the strength to find hope in him.

And he is teaching me,
Waiting is not for the faint of heart.
Trusting him till the end is not easy.
Suffering is not a quick experience.
Life’s race can be grueling.

Sometimes we sit in the pit for a very long time, but he is faithful.
God doesn’t let our hearts dissipate, he renews our hearts in the dark shadows that consume us down in the pit.

In the pit, in the desert, the cold winter seasons, this Jesus, he promises never to leave us or forsake us.
My Jesus, He has not abandoned me or you, he sits in the pit with me….with you.
Jesus, filled with compassion enters suffering with us and weeps alongside us.
He does not abandon us to waste away, rather in some mysterious way, the Spirit come to comfort us.
And this comfort, I experience it.

In this experience I am learning, I can be an ever-flowing spring in the parched desert land.
I can flourish even in the pit.
The pit of circumstances that continually knock me down, can not defeat me, or you forever.
Sitting in this darkness is not in vain.
I see the mysterious beauty weaved into the cold winter days that cover my soul.

The Lord will guide you continually,

   giving you water when you are dry

   and restoring your strength.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

   like an ever-flowing spring. (Is. 58:11)

Even in the desert, the pit, singing and joy will be found.
And in the pit I’ve learned sorrow and joy–they are one with each other.
I find a piece of hope to cling to.

Even the wilderness and desert will be glad in those days.

   The wasteland will rejoice and blossom with spring crocuses.

Yes, there will be an abundance of flowers

   and singing and joy! (Is. 35:1)

One day, one day this waiting, these circumstance, this pit, will not always be.
Whether it be in this age or the age to come.

That is his promise.

The Lamb has overcome. He is risen. He is alive.
This is the hope we have to cling to.

Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. (Heb 10:23)