One evening this week, I leaned in with my chin resting on my arms, my body pressed upon the bathtub in a gaze I watched little Brooklyn Rene in her new baby tub splashing around with joy and ringing out baby coos. Without warning, like an earthquake striking unexpectedly creating chaos all around, my emotions cracked and the waves of grief swallowed me. There in the bathroom with baby joy bubbling around I couldn’t hold back the tears as I looked into Brooklyn’s eyes and longed for my sweet Aunt to know her and meet my girls.

But, Brooklyn uniquely has a way of sparking memories of my Aunt.

While Susan was living in my home just two weeks before her passing we shared a moment that is etched like permanent marker on my heart. I was sitting in my office working and she walked by and we began having a conversation. I shared with her a recent dream I had about a baby named Brooklyn that would one day be my daughter. It was a special moment because it was a dream of faith that I chose to only share with her and Branden. A year later when I discovered I would be having a girl named Brooklyn, I knew her middle name would be the same as her great Aunt Susan, Rene.

The name Rene means, life reborn. Brooklyn, though she never met her Aunt Susan, has a joy that constantly brings forth memories of Susan.

And here we are today, November 15th, Susan’s 51st Birthday and life continues to steamroll forth, the cycles and the stages of life continuing onward, yet my heart felt injustice that it shouldn’t go on like this, not without her here.

I recently heard an author say, when we’ve lost someone the future isn’t getting dimmer by the day without them here. No, it’s getting more hopeful.

Because everyday we are one day closer to being reunited again..and this will be a reunion that will never end.

Today family and friends should be sending cheery texts, making silly birthday songs over voicemails, writing encouraging Birthday messages on her Facebook wall as we celebrate her 51st Birthday. But today we are faced with a different reality.  We celebrate Susan’s Birthday in sadness and heartache. Yet another day, another year we face without her sweet smile and joyful spirit. Today, in tears we choose to celebrate the beautiful, yet short, 49 years on earth we had with her and we hold onto hope that every day that passes we are one day closer to celebrating Birthdays for eternity in the presence of our God. What a celebration that will be.

That day can’t come soon enough.

Happy Birthday Susan, you are missed more each day that passes. I wish my girls we have the opportunity to know you, but they will grow up seeing you pictures and hearing the wonderful stories of your love to us all. Though you never got to physically see the fruits of your prayers for my girls, their miracle lives are partly because of your faithfulness to pray.

What a legacy you left for us all.