Friday night I crawled into bed, defeated, discouraged, and emotionally drained. With my sweet girl nestled into bed between her dad and I, finally passed out after another 2 hour bedtime meltdown, I laid in the dark and let the tears come. For the first time in a year I was angry at Sensory Processing Disorder. I let the anger build and finally I broke. The stress of the week culminated and I couldn’t stay positive anymore. With the entire house sleeping, I cried out to God and finally fell asleep mid-prayer from exhaustion .
Saturday morning I woke early, still heavy with grief, and headed to my Barre class where I let all the tension flowing through my body out, resulting in one of best workouts I’ve had.
After class I jumped in the car and blasted the worship music and cried the whole way home. The Lord spoke 2 verses over me, “my power is made perfect in weakness…my grace is sufficient for you.” And “my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
When I pulled into the house, I sat in the garage and took deep breathes, letting all my frustration turn to praise. I was reminded how deeply intricate we are created, that we are mind, body, and soul… we can’t separate them out. All 3 matter and are vital. We have to “take captive our thoughts,” and guard what messages we tell ourselves. You see, Friday night I told myself I couldn’t do it anymore. But by Saturday morning as I pushed my body to uncomfortable limits in Barre & I told myself a different narrative, I can do hard things and God will get me through. I can be pushed beyond what I think, if I show up daily and give God my heart, he promised he will never leave us… He is working all things out and equipping me to be the mother He’s called me to be.
Sometimes we think saying, yes God I will go, means leaving to the ends of the earth to do hard things for his glory….
but sometimes it is saying, yes God, I will go home and be what you’ve called me to be for your glory.”