As one who talks about Bold Persistent Prayers, I’ve also journeyed the shadow side that collides with God’s sovereignty. I’ve laid on my face weeping in prayer on a hospital floor only to have a doctor walk in the middle of my prayer and implode all my faith-filled praying with the news my aunt had passed. I knocked on heaven’s door for 6 years to be a mom… had elders pray over me, went to prayer rooms for healing, and cried every last tear only to get to the 5th year hope-filled and faith-filled – to have then my first IVF baby not make it. I’ve journeyed through the mysterious tension where prayers don’t go the way I prayed.
Yet I refuse to let those experiences rob my faith and I get back up and continue praying with shameless boldness….
Recently another large trial blindsided us. As the timeline marched forward, Branden and I agreed to fast and pray with intensity. I found myself stirring up fresh faith recalling Joshua’s story of Bold prayer asking God to make the sun stand still… and God answered the impossible request! (Josh 10:12-14)
Soaring with faith and unceasing prayer – we walked into an extended fast together and circled one subject expecting to see miracles….. as the fast was about to end an email came through. Not only was our prayer not answered, but the situation got worse. Shocked, we laughed. Then grief, anger, tears… I had to land on the truth. What is God’s nature – He is good. He is kind and faithful. He hasn’t forgotten us. He is our deliver and defender. The next morning I prayed scripture and felt fresh faith to get back up and not surrender. I got my boxing gloves on in the prayer room… I’m not going to stop knocking. God has called me to “always pray and never give up.” (Luke 18:1) …. And wouldn’t you know, a letter arrived at our door later that afternoon. As I held the letter and read each line I watched my bold prayers begin unraveling before my eyes. Once again, the situation was not finding breakthroughs but increased trials.
What do I know to be true about prayer? That I am called to obey the truth of scripture regarding prayer… always pray, never give up, and pray with shameless boldness… most importantly I have to keep my eyes and heart fixed on Jesus the entire way, not the outcome.
What do I know to be true? God redeems all things, Satan doesn’t get the final say, even when it feels like he is winning, he isn’t! Even in the worst of worst situations somehow someway God will use it for his redemptive purposes. I say this as one who wrestled these truths out for 10 years.
“ I would rather trust God for the impossible and be disappointed and have to grieve and process than have a passive, fatalist faith, see little and be content with that.” – Rob Reimer“