For many finding out your pregnant is a miracle, for those of that have walked the long waiting years of infertility, sometimes there is a story weaved into the miraculous life.
9 years ago I wrote this in a journal,
Personal journal entry November 2011, “I’m sitting on my dog’s bed near my bed tonight as I sort through my heart. It seems fitting to sit here. Today as it feels all our friends and peers celebrate their pregnancies, their gender reveal parties, we take the walk of shame into the infertility clinic. While joys are ringing out through Facebook congrats and all attention points to their big news, we walk quietly and all alone to the clinic. Trying to be strong and hopeful we grasp hand and enter the clinic. We sit nervously awaiting tests we wish we didn’t really have to do. In silence we sit, sorting through emotions struggling to understand. We rejoice with our friends and peers, yet there is still a deep sting in the heart bringing forth questions, will I ever get to experience this? Trying to hold tight to Jesus’ promises and not let my heart grow faint I continue to smile as tears slowly fall down the inside of my heart. Here I sit reading all about treatments, downing every home remedy and vitamin, and working through pain–realizing all our friends and peers are joyfully reading about the latest nursery decor and fun baby items as they bask in a glow. God, am I strong enough? I have to let go of these questions and cling to Jesus, my Rock and Redeemer who promises to never leave me. My future is unclear, but one things remains clear. Jesus loves me this I know. He died on a cross for me and I am clinging to His love.”
I couldn’t have scripted these last 9 years, yet God has been so faithful. In the darkness of infertility it’s hard to see a future for what’s to come, I felt during the long season of waiting that I had lost my vision.
During our IVF cycle in 2014, I began seeing again. Slowly over the years God has been placing his heart and vision for a family back in my soul.
To the outside world, baby girl #3 seems like a 2019 miracle…. but, in fact she is a 2014 and 2019 miracle! 🙂
Before I was pregnant with the twins, the names Brooklyn and Eliana were placed in my heart. There names had deep rich meanings… through dreams and confirmation in scripture, the Lord showed me I would have twin girls, before I even knew I would have twins.
When we implanted our 2 embryos in December 2014, a piece of my heart was left in Portland. One little embryo was left in the freezer. Every September that came around we would pay another freezer payment and my heart would melt. I wanted my baby… I wanted to go bring her home. The timing was just never right… and that is the tricky part with infertility, it’s a lot more money, there’s timing, it’s all so controlled. And no time felt “just right”
But then God intervened… through a dream.
We had just got back from a trip of a lifetime to Australia where God had healed a challenging season in my life I had walked through.
One night I had a dream different than anything I had before. I woke up from the dream sobbing… I saw our baby girl. Throughout the day my heart was stirred, I texted a friend and asked her what this means and she helped me see that this was God opening my heart that now was the time to move forward.
Later that evening, after Branden kept asking why I was crying all day, I explained the dream. After prayer and talking we made the call the next morning to our IVF clinic. It took a lot of FAITH in that moment and fear was plaguing me, but through a series of events, within a weekend the entire IVF implantation was scheduled and planned: June 21, 2019.
Shortly after our implantation down in Portland the dr. confirmed I was indeed pregnant… and a few short weeks later we found via blood test it was exactly as the Lord had prepared my heart through a dream…a baby girl!
When it came time to name her I was struggling… I had a list of names I loved but nothing was stirring my heart. Because the twins names, Brooklyn and Eliana have deep meaning and represent such a marker in this infertility journey I felt strongly in my bones that baby girl #3 was to also have name with significance as she was conceived at the same time as the twins. So we began praying and asking the Lord to give us a name for this miracle.
I was starting to get frustrated as no name was clicking… nothing was settling in my soul. Then one quiet morning alone in the house I grabbed my Bible and sat in my favorite chair. Before I opened the scriptures I asked the Lord to speak to me, I asked him to lead me to a name or a scripture that would be a verse for baby girl. This is no exaggeration, I opened my Bible and the chapter fell open to Job 42. I started reading and when I got to Job’s daughter’s names, one stood out. I opened my Bible commentary and began doing some digging and research on the name… when I saw the meaning I got goosebumps.
We are excited to Welcome to the Campbell Family,
(prononced: KEZ -EE -AH)
The name Keziah comes from the book of Job, she is one of 3 daughters given to him after he had lost everything.
Keziah means Cassia, but it also means It Is Done (JOHN 19:30).
Job called his second daughter after a sweet smelling cinnamon powder, …. “because God had healed him of his sores and trials, and made his latter end to be sweet“….we’re guessing he called her that way because his sores and trials had finally ended. … He calls his two youngest daughters after kinds of powder, perhaps bringing to mind the ashes he once sat in(Job 2:8).
Restoration theology deals with mankind’s evolution from the fall back towards something worth keeping around. Of course, the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is pivotal in that restoration but perhaps Job’s naming of his three daughters illustrates that even though our sin will be cast into the deepest sea and remembered no more (Micah 7:19, Jeremiah 31:34), the past will always be the foundation of the present.
The name Keziah comes from the verb קצע (qasa): can sometimes a combination of them convey an “end to end” or “whole” of something.
I cry every time I think of her name because she is the “it is Finished” to our infertility journey. She is our whole, she is completing our family and bringing with her miraculous joy to such a hard and long infertility season.
You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!