On the last day of 2019 I thought my body couldn’t go one more mile. Surrounded by pillows and heated rice bags I cuddled in bed with nausea where I spend the day crying, praying, reading. I mustered the energy to shower where I began to have a pity party for myself. I could wail loud and no one in the house could hear my groans and tears of pity. There in my low, the Spirit gave me a picture of running a marathon race. I hate running but for some reason this picture of a marathon was encouraging my soul. I saw myself in the hard grueling miles of the race… but saw the goal and it reminded me the end prize is just around the corner. I started talking to myself, Katie, keep running, your finish line is near, she is worth it. This will all pail in comparison once you’ve finished. There is a deeper prize than you can see yet.

This pregnancy, more than the twin pregnancy, has reminded me how symbolic pregnancy is to our race with God here on earth. There are hard miles, there is a lot of “dying”  and denying along the race. There are days you want to quit, when you lose sight of what’s at stake.

Paul tells us in Philippians,

I run with passion into his abundance so that I may reach the purpose that Jesus Christ has called me to fulfill and wants me to discover. I don’t depend on my own strength to accomplish this; however I do have one compelling focus: I forget all of the past as I fasten my heart to the future instead. I run straight for the divine invitation of reaching the heavenly goal and gaining the victory-prize through the anointing of Jesus

And I continually long to know the wonders of Jesus more fully and to experience the overflowing power of his resurrection working in me.

I carry this miracle babe around month after month and my soul stirs. As hard as pregnancy is for me, I sense the holy, spiritual work at work within. Through the months of her growing the Spirit has been stirring my heart.

Quiet. less. silence. peace

I feel the need to grow quiet, to shut down the noise and focus on the race and hear what the Spirit wants to say… yet not just this pregnancy race, but the greater call of Kingdom living. I have a deep sense the Spirit wants to do a great work in 2020 and I don’t want to miss out on what that is.

When evaluating where and what I longed for 2020 I realized it wasn’t adding something to accomplish these goals, it was removing distraction.

In the hours I have spent alone in bed growing miracle life, I listened to some podcasts that really challenged me… then I eventually read the book The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. This book finally gave me the courage to let go.

For 2020 I don’t want to do more, be more, go further…. I want to aspire to lead a calm and peaceful life. (1 Thes 4:11)

Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! – Hebrews 12:1

For me, it is doing less, striving less and there is one distraction staring me down, and that is my phone and social media. I love it, I do. I won’t deny I love connecting and following friends on instagram…. but it is an addiction.

I don’t know if it’s for a month or forever, but for now it is going away in my life. Too much is at stake.

One of my dreams I scribbled down in my journal for 2020 was to write again… I miss it. So you may not find me on Instagram and Facebook in the start of 2020, you can find me here… I will be pouring my words onto these pages. My soul aches to write again and I believe letting go of hours on my phone will open the spaces in my soul to breathe life back into writing.

Every year I ask God for a word, and without fail I receive one. This year I heard Joy. I was taken back by it, yet as I prayed over it, it aligned with all God has been stirring deep within me… For me to walk in obedience and step into Joy for 2020 is to let go of any hindrance that entangles me.

“And I continually long to know the wonders of Jesus more fully and to experience the overflowing power of his resurrection working in me.” Phil 3:10

A new song for 2020 that has been playing throughout my home today ….

I won't bow to idols, I'll stand strong and worship You
And if it puts me in the fire, I'll rejoice 'cause You're there too
I won't be formed by feelings, I hold fast to what is true
If the cross brings transformation then I'll be crucified with You
'Cause death is just the doorway into resurrection life

O! Christ be magnified!
Let His praise arise
Christ be magnified in me
O! Christ be magnified!
From the altar of my life
Christ be magnified in me