Through the fall of 2020, I continued to have a deep angst and stirring that we were being called somewhere… the angst was increasing. It was a holy discontent God was using to wake me because it wasn’t coming from a place of actual discontent. I was rooted in a deep place of contentment. The word Immediately was highlighted to me by the Holy Spirit. I felt like it was a highlighted word in preparation, whenever and wherever he calls, it was to be obeyed immediately.
Matthew 4:19 – Follow me and I will make you fishers of men. IMMEDIATELY they left their nets and followed him. again in vs. 22- IMMEDIATELY.
Over the year God and I had walked through a season of intense obedience, where I agreed to say Yes God to anything he asked… if it was scary. It started out with little things and grew to stepping out in greater ways. He was training me in all the little things so that I could obey in the harder decisions. I remember knowing and hearing, “there won’t be a decision to make- because it’s already decided for us…So we can obey immediately”
Through late fall I continued to see and hear vividly and document it all… it was clear I was being called and prepared, I just couldn’t see where or what it was yet. In early January God kept highlighting this was the year of Courage, and shortly after an opportunity opened for us to buy a home from a friend in Idaho. I was sure this was the open door and solution to this angst I was feeling. We had talked about a move to Idaho all summer as it seemed most logical since Branden worked over there and we wanted our kids in a private school in Idaho. This connection to the home in Idaho seemed all too perfect, and we walked through the doors only at the last minute to have the opportunity fall apart. The door shut. But not only did that door shut physically, but it also shut spiritually. After I grieved not getting the house a major shift happened. I knew we were being called somewhere other than Idaho and I needed to let it go and be open.
Over this time God was stirring my heart for prayer and revival, and honestly before 2020, I had little interest or understanding of the history of revival.
In January 2021 I wrote these words in my journal, as I felt what God was calling us to was going to COST something of myself and my family.
We say we want revival, God’s presence to come change us, but we won’t let go of comfort.
We want the gifts revival brings, yet will we stand in courage and obey God in persecution?
I think we may want the joy and results of revival— not the work of it. Will we die to self to see the harvest birthed?
We want revival, we may agree to it cognitively, but will it move us to action and prioritize prayer?
Revival starts in us first – it is a personally revived heart and life.
Revival may mean losing friends, being unpopular at the cost of radical obedience to the audience of ONE.
It means being emptied out, sacrificing money, time, friends, and gain.
It’s a laying down all my life.
We can’t hold our comforts tight-fisted in this season because — there is a cost! Do you know Jesus, who sacrificed his life for you? Because when you do— you’ll stop at nothing to be in his presence.
God was making it clear, the angst, the stirring, and the preparation weren’t going to be easy, but when we were called it was to Go Immediately and to lay down our life. I remember asking God in prayer one day, why can’t I see where yet and him speaking, “You aren’t ready to hear it.” In the end, I see this was his grace… my heart needed complete preparation so I could obey with a holy recklessness.